It's all downhill from here!

May 3rd-
Yesterday was my 50th birthday! Yep, the big Five-O! They say, “It’s all downhill from here”. I sure hope so. 

It’s time I get serious and start making tough decisions about what, how, and where my life is supposed to go from here. I started this journal to keep track of my progress.

I’ll be praying that the Lord begins to open doors and shows me what He wants me to do with the rest of this life He has given me.

May 8th-
Be careful what you pray for, you might get it! Pastor has asked me to lead a women’s group. I told her that I would pray about it, and let her know. 

As honored as I am, I think she’s lost her mind! Does she have me confused with someone else who is qualified to do this sort of thing? 

What happens if I mess up? What if I open my big mouth and stick the whole shoe-store in it? What if I make a fool out of myself?

May 15th- 
Every time I think about it, my stomach does flip-flops, and the unrelenting fear sends chills down my spine. “Can I do this? ‘Should I do this?” 

Keep praying!

May 22nd-
After much prayer, I have reluctantly agreed to lead the group. The Lord is showing me glimpses of the blessings this group could yield. 

May 29th-
Five women came to our first meeting tonight. We sat quietly around the table with our Bibles open before us; all eyes were on me. Fear gripped my heart like a malicious tap-dance inside my chest. 

Then, His peace enveloped me and my heart stopped it’s dance. We studied our lesson, shared our struggles and victories, and said our tear-filled prayers. 

I have hope.

June 3rd-
My stomach’s doing those stupid flip-flops again! These women are depending on me to teach them lessons I don’t have victory over in my own life! What was I thinking? This feels like the blind leading the blind. 

I’m embarrassed and I hate letting them down. I truly love these women, and want to help them, but I can’t do this! I’m going to tell Pastor that I’ve changed my mind. 

“I quit!” 

June 5th-
I told Pastor how much I appreciated her giving me the opportunity, but I wasn’t capable of leading the group, and hoped she could find someone who was more qualified.

She looked me straight in the eyes and said, “God does not call the perfected, He only calls the willing”, and she walked away. Talk about having the wind knocked out of you! 

Her words shocked me, but I could feel the Lord’s presence surrounding me. He had used her to say exactly what I needed to hear. 

Now that I think about it, it is precisely what He’s been whispering into my heart for weeks. He knew I needed one final push out of my comfort zone. 

I do believe the Lord has called and chosen me to do this, and I am willing. He knows my deepest desire and heart’s cry is for Him to use my life. With His strength and guidance, I will continue to make a difference in these precious women’s lives. 

My faith and trust in Him is growing. 

November 20th-
Wow! It’s been months since I’ve written here. I’ve been so busy and so blessed!

More women have joined us on our journey to become all we are destined to be and do. Each week the Lord reveals a little more of what His glorious plans are for our lives, and He is giving us the strength to accomplish it. 

The truth is, I have stuck my foot in my mouth, fumbled, and been tongue-tied more times than I’d like to admit. On more than one occasion, I’ve realized I wasn’t as ready as I should have been. This downhill journey does have its share of twists, turns, and bumps in the road. 

Nevertheless, I will continue stepping out in faith, and He will use me to change these women’s lives, and offer them hope for a better future.

Thank you Father, even though I am far from being perfect, You are using my heart’s desire and willingness to serve You, and together we are changing lives, one precious life at a time.

*Authors notes - This is a condensed and fictionalized version of my real life’s story and ministry testimony.
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This won 1st place -Beginners Level - in the Faithwriter's "Achievement" Challenge Award 3-22-12